I have been conspicuously absent from my blog since Christmas. Bet you didn't notice, did you? ;-)
The truth is, LIFE happens and I am coming to terms with the fact that I am just simply not cut out to be a full-time blogger right now. Thankfully, my "employer" is flexible and is perfectly okay with me going to a part-time position with little-to-no notice (with the emphasis on NO notice). Perhaps my "employer's" easy-going attitude about my "work-ethic" is directly tied to my pay--which is nothing. Perhaps.
At any rate, I'm okay with this. Would I like to write more? SURE! But when the only time I have to do so in the quiet when I can think and focus are the same times of day during which I am the sleepiest...well...you can guess what usually wins out. That tends to happen when you are 9 months pregnant.
But I haven't just gone to part-time on my blog. I did with Facebook as well and with NO REGRETS. At this point, canceling my account was not an option if for no other reason than the ease and swiftness at which I can take a wonderfully candid photo with my iPhone, and immediately download it to FB on that same device, AND--if the timing is just perfect--Steve could log on from Afghanistan and see that photo immediately. To me that time saver is SO much easier than having to take the candid shots with my camera, take the camera upstairs to my iMac, plug the camera in, download the photos to the hard drive, log onto my email, begin a new message, attach the said photos, and send them to Steve. ...just typing the process wears me out. But the ease of sharing photos isn't the only reason I LIKE Facebook. It is a wonderful medium for keeping up with all the wonderful people the Lord has put in our path--and we have friends strung across all continents minus South America and Antarctica (the two penguins I requested a FB friendship with have yet to confirm me).
The problem is, Facebook can be an addiction. And it was/is for me. I seriously equate it to alcohol. The two are not inherently evil in their own rights, but it is in how we go about fashioning a "relationship" with them that things can go sour. A glass of sweet red wine or a wonderfully coconut-y Pina-Colada on a beach can and often are enjoyed for what they are--a nice, delightful beverage. But when a person happens to start down that road where they crave that beverage everyday, when they think they cannot get by without it, that problems start. Facebook was my alcohol. I was logging on NUMEROUS times a day and spending TOO much time just being nosy and reading past posts of friends so that I wouldn't miss out on ANYTHING going on in their lives. It was truly an addiction. I felt I would unintentionally hurt friends if I didn't log on and see their status and comment--whether that was a mundane status update or a life-changing one. I would read posts from friends and be overcome with jealously at the stupidest things. I would read other statuses and disagree with a specific ideology that person was taking and begin to think "less" of them. All these negative "spirits" were shaken together in a dangerous cocktail that I willingly drank down everyday. They caused me to feel horrible inside. To think less of myself. To doubt myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends. I can't specifically pinpoint a moment in time, but at some point in the weeks since Christmas, it hit me...I RARELY ever logged off Facebook, and when I did, I was in a foul and horrible mood. I needed to stop.
So...I weighed my options. Just like I believe to be stupid for an alcoholic to think that every liquor store and bar be burned down so they don't have to address their problems, I believed that canceling my account or failing to log on EVER was not a reasonable solution. BUT...cutting way down on the amount of time I did spend on it was a good place to start. If I needed to trim more fat later, I would.
The temptation still is there, don't get me wrong. But I am managing it pretty well. I can log on to answer a message or post--one that merits a REAL answer and not just my "wise" thoughts on the topic--and log right back off. I can even get on to see how someone is doing--as in checking to see if a female friend due around the same time as I am has had her baby yet--and log right off. Just today, when I logged on to answer a message, I happened to read a post on the home page that started to stir that negative cocktail again. I was proud of myself--I simply clicked on the message I intended to reply to, typed and sent that reply, and logged off. Ten minutes later, I was feeling better, whereas a month ago, ten minutes could have past and I would still have been on Facebook feeling horrible about myself for no real reason at all. I guess that is my way of saying that I can walk by a bar and push the temptation to enter and drink aside. And it feels good.
In the end, I just want to reiterate that I am still on there. I still want to hear from friends and keep in touch. Don't stop "talking" to me on Facebook if that is how we normally communicate. Don't think I don't care about your good news and announcements if I don't respond with a comment--in all likelihood, I simply don't know of that good news yet or I would (this is where I have to have faith that TRUE friends will let me know via a phone call, visit, or email and if I still don't find out about it, I can't waste time being hurt). Don't think I won't post pics of the baby soon after she/he is born and look forward to your comments (if you choose to comment...if you are even on Facebook). Remember, I am still on Facebook...I am just going to a much more part-time postition on it. And just like there are seasons of the year where part-time help is needed more (i.e., Christmas in the retail world), there are also times where I will WANT to be on Facebook more (i.e., announcing our newest addition to our family). I just hope and pray this makes sense.
Now...if you'll excuse the TOTAL irony here...I am going to get off here and post a link to this newest blog entry on Facebook.